Posts by Aussie Oz

posted

38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

Yes of course there is, she has a home here anytime, and has known this for a long time.
Its just she wants to live with her mum and siblings but is realistic enough to know that it may not work anymore.
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I too thinks she is very brave.
The hard part is mine... i am pretty much out of contact for two weeks till our next visitation. She said ''no news is good news''... if i dont get a phone call from her to assume iether the note was not found or she is ok and handling things.
oz...wringing his hands and mentaly pacing...
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@newchapter...I see as a toe in the water. She was a bit ambivalant about it being found and i think it may have been more of a test of herself more than anything. Indeed, next time she might be bloder and put a note where it will be found.
@flipper...i am not worried other than the manipulation. I did explain very clearly how that might go and be done, based on what i know i would do if i were her JW parent.
@Quandry... thanks for the concern. I am not driving anything here. It was she who felt secure enough a few months ago to tell me what she felt. yes i had to dig for it but no more than any parent trying to figure out why their child wants to die. She is deciding the pace of her actions, i am only in reaction mode to her, when she tells me how things are going or like this note situation, i only lay out her options and help her prepare to deal with the consequences of her actons. What she is in no doubt of, is my unconditional love and support no matter what she decides.
@extemely confused17...she is 15.
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exciting times...
Son moved out of his JW home this week amid uproar from mother because he has follwed my advice about moving out and starting a new job. Visited him tonight in his new digs and he said: "Don't know if i am going to stay in the truth"...!
My advice was if that is what he wants to do then perhaps now is the time to not go to the new local hall and do a fade...
Daughter read animal farm for school and commented: "I can see a few similarities to the JWs in that story"...
My response was well, wait till you read 1984 darling! so she took my copy home to read too...
I see 'fun' this next twelve months. But not for the wicked witch of the north who is very quickly alienating her children. From her i see evil.
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thanks all
one is thinking with the small brain, the other with the big brain...
but the outcome may well be the same!
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My son came to visit today, he and i are getting a lot closer since he left his JW home and thanks largely to his mother and step father alienating him big time. He needs one of his parents to help him out at times and he can't turn to his mother. Thats sad but its her loss, and his i guess.
Anyway, he recently got himself a girlfriend, a worldly girl at that. Obviously he cant take her home to mum, but he brings her to us. This weekend i had my daughter and her best (worldly) school friend and my son and his girl here, it was like a real family!
The best part was when he said...''I am ready to hear whats wrong with the JWs''.
He hasnt been to a meeting for 4 weeks now and has started to realize the JWs are brainwashed (his own words). He has known he 'should' look at the religion but in the past has said he didnt want to listen, so this is BIG.
He wanted to know what i could give him to read 'right now'. The challenge is that like most JW teens, he knows bugger all about the beliefs of the Watchtower, i mean, seriously so uninformed that it's like i have to teach him a doctrine in order to demonstrate why its wrong! There is so much i could show him and i will take it easy!
So today i pointed him to JWFacts while i had to go out.
He read the sections about 'hitler' and 'Christmas/birthdays'. His main comment "They (JWs) tried to get in with hitler"
His other big comment today was regarding 'new light', he said "they always go on about that, but it makes no sense...why didnt god give them the right information from the start"?
Anyway, just wanted to share...
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He is in his 18th year, he dropped the JW girlfriend because he was sick of her having to hide him. She got baptized and he not being dunked meant she was not prepared for him to be known as her 'boyfriend'.
He met a few worldly girls and this one that he really likes and it has opened his eyes to say the least.
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Now to make sure he has direction in life. Its one thing to help them out but another to help them not self destruct from the discovery of the lie and freedom from the WT rules. In all honestly i would rather them in the JWs than fucking themselves on drugs or stupid living if you know what i mean! They do show a bit of a propensity to party hard...he drinks hard and i know he has tried weed.
anyway, i am planning a father/son weekend away because he needs to come to grips with a lot of stuff to do with not only the lie, but his sense of loss over his mother and i divorcing, how to function in a normal world, the type of good decisions to make etc etc...
tonight i made him call his mother (she found out about the weed). She was hysterical, and it was the first time she had spoken to me in years and it was to ask me to deal with it. I did, nuff said! But perhaps the best thing was that he fessed up to his mother that he no longer wanted to be JW. She told him that she suspected so for a while and that all she wanted was for him to be happy and safe. A huge relief for him i can tell you.
I am excited and scared at the same time for my two kids.
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Yes, they know 'good' jws who are doing all the drugs etc, at least they tell me everything, i value the dialogue i have got going with the kids.
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ok, as many know i have a daughter (15) lives with mother and step father (arsehole)
she was told "remove your ear stretchers by thursday or be kicked out". She has refused to remove said ear decoration. Should she regard herself as kicked out and come live with me? Has her step tool made the dicision for her by this ultimation? Can I consider her kicked out and just tell her that has happened and take the load off her?
she does want to move here but is just so torn by it all.
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yes it is tme for a change. The house has become toxic to tenn trying to be accepted. Last year she was in a real dark place thanks to the JW rules and frankly i have had enough of seeing what i amount to abuse.
I understand Baltar, But it is a whole lot more than the ears really, they are just the fuse.
The ears and other things have been playing out in a JW household, not on my watch. Personally, i believe there a are lot more important things to teach teenagers than the way they choose to look. Perhaps post JW i am a lot more liberal, i am not in the conservative basket myself being tattooed and being rockabilly, so they are not an issue for me, tatts yes, ears no.
BUT, getting back to the question: Should she regard herself as kicked out and come live with me? Has her step tool made the dicision for her by this ultimation? Can I consider her kicked out and just tell her that has happened and take the load off her?
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she wants to stay with me, just finds it hard to verbalize it, she is now with me for her weekend visitation. will see how this plays out...
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To update all...
On friday after i picked her up she told me she wanted to live with me now. I have been preparing for this for a while really, and have been aware of the stuff scully mentioned: (thanks scully for putting it very neatly)
To answer your question though, prepare to have her move in with you. Clearly she does not want to abide by JW rules, and her mum and step-father want to shove those rules down her throat. Have a sit down with her prior to her moving in and make it abundantly clear that while you are far more liberal than her mum and step-father, you are concerned about her safety and, as jamiebowers said, will not tolerate drug or alcohol abuse, you expect her to be responsible for her overall well-being (eating disorders) and particularly so when she is sexually active (birth control) and she has to take school seriously. Set curfews for her, give her chores and an allowance, and once she's old enough to get a job, she should get one.
and yes, i see kicking out reserved for real rebellion with stuff such as drugs etc.
At her request i called her mother and told her the news then passed the phone to daughter to speak with her mum. It was a difficult call to make and left my daughter and her mother in tears. She will miss her little brother and sister very much and her mother asked to not be a stranger and can visit anytime. So thats a pretty good outcome. There are a few behind the scenes converataions that took place over the last month, thing both her mother and step father d=said that led to the move.
I look forward to being a full time dad and will do my best to keep steering her in life. Stay tuned...

thankyou all who commented on what is a challenging situation
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Had a phone call from my son today...
He rang his JW mother to give her some news and found out the school his little half siblings go to was having an end of year play. He was pretty excited apparently and asked if he could come along and this is how it went...
"NO, it is for family. For our family not for children who never speak or visit us."
his reply?
"Fuck you"
hang up.
So sad. This woman has no idea. When our daughter finds out she will be even less inclined to visit than ever. She is just getting strong enough to write her mother to explain why she has not been visiting the last couple of months. I can see right now the reception she will get and the hurt I will have to repair...again
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boy is 19, left home and decided to not follow the religion. At least he is not baptized alothough it looks like his mother is writing him off anyway.
on a happier note, he is about to celebrate xmas for the fisrt time ever (with non JW girlfriends family) and he was pretty excited to tell me they had a 'pagan tree'!
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So here we are, putting decorations on our first pagan tree and 15 yr old daughter doing her first 'xmas' says....
"so what IS xmas all about?.......
WTF! Her JW mother and step father get another EPIC FAIL.
They have taught the children NOTHING. It's a god damn miracle the kids learnt to dress themselves. Ok, a bit of an exaggeration but seriously, what self respecting JW parent teaches them nothing about their beliefs and yet expects them to blindly follow? oh...thats how it works isn't it...
Oz scratching head in wonderment...
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

She already thinks they lie and that some things 'don't add up'. Desperatly wants to be a normal kid.
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It is my daughters access visit with me this weekend. She called me the other night to make a change. She asked if i didn't already have plans for her, could she go to a BIRTHDAY PARTY over the weekend. That means the visit is rather short as its a sleepover too, at a 'worldly' school friends place.
Now, it goes without saying, i said of course!.
Now, i figured that their was no way her mother knows about this. So i figured this is on the sly and asked her (daughter) whether her mother knew...
YES. She actualy got to see the invitation, asked her if she wanted to go and gave approval.
You could have knocked me down with a feather!
My girl says her mum is not hardcore JW. That family is such a paradox...
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She also came home and presented me with a Birthday card for my belated b/day!
way to go daughter!
Stick that up yer bums watchtower!
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I found out the other day that my daughter began to question the existance of god, decided that the issue of universal soveriegnty is nonsense and that praying is useless....At 10!
So glad i didnt know! Because back then i was still an apologist and would have been bothered that she was leaning away from the JW teachings. And now? Sad that the poor kid has had 4 years of confusion and inner turmoil before dear old dad wised up and started asking the right questions. Four years of feeling like there is something wrong with herself, feeling she is doomed to die.
And thru all that time her mother has been as thick as two short planks...and still has no idea who her daughter is.
Oz the delighted
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Part of the conversation the other day was regarding the GB.
She wanted to know why her mother could not be as 'open minded' as me. Recently her mother had a stand up fight with her bethelite sister over her unruly younger children, she was told not to bring those kids next time they came to visit their ill mother (now deceased). I explain that pretty much the bethel people live in an isolated world, far from reality and have no time for kids, esp noisy little ones.
The problem i told daughter was that her mother was following parenting advice from the GB, a bunch of real old men who have never had children, who live in similar ignorance to the real world like her auntie.
The GB telling JWs how to raise and relate to children is the same as her auntie giving parenting advice to her sister. I expalined that the reason her mother could not be open minded was that she has had 45 years of being programed to be closed minded, that it is not realistic to expect nor hope that a life time of believing that openminded equals Satan will be changed for her.
I tell you, i put a few nails in the GBs coffin that day!
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Saturday was a great day for talking about the WT and the JWs. She is really open and honest about her feelings now she has found an ally in me. I am very careful about how i do this stuff.
I am fighting a battle for her right to life as she sees it.
The JWs will win over my dead body, they will get my son i think, but not the daughter.
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What bothers me is that by the time he wakes up he may well be married to his liitle hottie and then the fallout will be neuclear...
Allthough i must add, lately he has been talking of not getting married till mid twenties.
one can only hope!
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Been a while... i shy away from posting about them now as i feel i am sort of invading their privacy!
Ok... most know that daughter has expressed to me that she does not believe nor want to be a JW. We had her for new years eve and took her to our local pub for the towns traditional party. Half the town turns up for it. She dressed as her authentic self. Not conservative at all. she had a ball. She looked a little nervous when she came out of her bedroom as this was the first time she had actually styled her hair how she wants.
We took her away for most of a week to NSW and again, she expressed herself how she is inside. I think she found it oh so freeing to do this. We have quite a few long deep chats these days about life and the JWs. She has started reading COC and took it awy with her (she didnt read any but at least the thought was there) The week was also spent with her grandfather on my side, and she was all ears as we were discussing how my wife and i got together, and how my life was as i exited the Jws. The week away in the 'world' wa sgreat for showing her that a whole different life was out there for the taking, widen the veiw for her.
She feels that i make her stronger in her resolve because i know how she feels. At home she has to tone it all down. Last chat we had was about what the next 12 months will be like for her and how if she is going to stay at her mums home then she needs to fly under the rader and often bite her lip. To expect that the posters she bought while away of metal bands are not likely to be allowed on her bedroom wall and to expect it. If he expects it then it will be easier to handle without conflict if it happens. Her focus i think will be on pushing the boundaries but hopefully not enough to have her mother pull her out of her school. She has not been dragged door to door for many months apparently.
She recently gave a talk in the non existant 'school' about the purpose of life. naturaly about the JW view. I asked her about her personal veiw on the meaning of life, which was, to make the most of our time. Asked how she felt giving a talk so obviously opposite her own beliefs she shrugged and said ''i just say the words''. (mother probably wrote her notes)
I really think that all going to plan (her plan) she will announce her rebellion at 16.
My son is well, a lad! Full of joy and party. Loves to get away with his mates (some jw, some fringe dwellers) and drink lots of alcahol as well visit many night clubs of 'sin'. I do worry for him because the day of reconing is coming. He will want to marry his Jw girl and i can see him suddenly making a huge effort to be 'good'. You know what i mean. On the other hand he has a great opportunity to work away for a year and if he gets too i hope this will be wake up time. Unfortunatly, i think his arsehole of a JW boss is using him and leading him on to keep a hard working boy on low pay. If i ever meet the guy i am likely to verbally assault the bastard. Our city has a history of JW construction 'brothers' who operate on the edges of the law. I know what i want to happen to this shmuck. rant over.
Overall i think i will end up one in, one out.
I think her mother is a bit ignorant of her daughter and it seems the step father is the one she has to get around more. another gutless schmuk (i like the word). I told daughter that if i was still a JW and her regular dad, she would be so leaned on it wouldn't be funny. I can see the Jw warning bells her mother is ignoring it seems. Sis glad i am not JW thats for sure.
I told her that i want to see her live her full potential and that anything she wants to do or acheive in life is kool with me, and that unless a partner is a (schmuk) then i stay out of it... and if you ever take drugs thats when you will know i have a problem with ya! expect a good slapping so to speak.
She seems quite interested in the WWC case, being as i talk about it and how i almost went to the last court date. she asked if i went and what happened.
I was having a look thru her note book from one of the conventions... a few scriptures scribbled here and there. asked about her notes she said 'they mean nothing, just trying to stay awake....further in was a drawing done again i guess to stay awake...a goats head with a pantagram! Like whoa girl! way to get grounded at an assembly. she felt like pissing off mother but never let her see it.
This girl has very definite ideas about what she believes and what she wants to look like to the world. My job is to help her make it. While i don't get the music she listens to or some of her choices of films etc, i am not alarmed, well knowing that when i was her age, the music of my time was seen as 'off' by the oldies. What i do know, is that they are all not in the WT approved list thats for sure!
Thats about all i can think of for the moment...if its a bit messy, sorry, i am typing as i think, and thats not always straight.
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It is my most sincere wish that by posting these updates, others here and those yet to come may find them and see how i handled it all.
and if that helps someone in their journey with children it will be well worth it.
thankyou for the encouragement.
I once thought i would have a very distant relationship with my kids and in fact was prepared to make it so, in order for them to get to the 'paradise'. It is 100% due to the support and information here that i have what i have, this is the only real way i can give back.
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She announced to me that she is tired of having to pretend to all jws and at home.
She left a note to her mother, under her pillow (her pillow, not her mothers) in the 'sort of hope it will be found' type of way. Basically she spelt out that she has not believed for a long time and that if she is not going to be allowed to live there she will go to her fathers (me) to live. Also that i have known her feelings on this for a few months.
She thinks a 95% chance it will not be found. And is not bothered either way. My take is that it is a way to force the subject into the open without having to go to mum and speak out, rather a hope it will be found and then ''what will be will be''.
We spent a good deal of our weekend talking about the ways this may go down.
1. acceptance and allowed to not do any jw stuff at all.
2. very nicey nicey empathetic efforts to reach child and draw her closer to 'jehovah'.
3. our house our rules, foot down, get tough on her. change schools, tighter surveilance of her.
I explained very clearly that there will be little point in trying to explain just what she doubts and doesnt believe as they will not listen. In fact a teenager, not well versed in theocratic argument will be quickly made to look foolish and wrong.
I believe (by the mothers body language at drop off) has found the note.
I really hope she is strong enough to be firm on what she wants and not get manipulated into a change of mind.
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

Had some interesting chats with my daughter today about whether she believes everything she hears at the meetings and reads in the watchtower.
Turns out she does.
Until i pressed on a few subjects... turns out she does not think worldly people are bad, that the WT is wrong for blanket statements about how evil they all are, that she does not think it is right that they have failed predicting the end for over a hundred years and disagrees when they keep pushing the end,
And i find this all rather alarming!
because although some lights are firing (and i mean that in a nice way!)
the cult dumbing down is working on the whole... unless probed to think she just figures its 'the truth' and it makes sense.
I really tried to challenge her when it comes to beleiving everything she hears whether on the news or from the platform.
Basically my message for the day was don't beleive a god damn thing you get told by anybody including me! You have to prove it to yourself, you have to look at all sides of everything before you can decide what you believe about anything, whether it is a news report or a bible teaching.
I hate that kids being raised as JWs have to be dealt this lesson so young when all they want is to be left alone to be and do teenage stuff...I hate having to disrupt the simplicity of life but her future is at stake...
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Had a little chat to her the other day about a couple of things...
she had the friday off school i found out so she could go witnessing with the CO's wife and have lunch with them. Anyway, got to talking about the door to door work and whether she thought it was an effective method of preaching, which she does/did. I asked her if she was aware that after 130 years of preaching that most people could not tell you what the JWs believed but rather could only say what they didn't believe, and even then still get some of that wrong. I asked if she thought that the door to door work was really effective to which she concluded it was possibly not.
It led to talking about Campings methods, which the whole world were aware of and how in a very short time he was able to get his message out. Practically the whole world could tell you just what Camping taught. I brought up his use of the internet, the marches, the radio, the travelling truck billboards etc and she concluded they were very effective. I asked her to ponder on why the WT society had stopped using those methods of old as mentioned in the proclaimers book and DVDs...
Also lasked her if she was aware of Campings explanation for failure, and she thought his 'invisible' defense was funny and concluded he must be a false prophet... so i asked her if she thought the JWs had ever done the same thing. Her answer was no. Our little chat had to be up at that point so i left her by saying that she needs to look at her history, because she will find they have indeed done exactly what Camping did...
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I hate the Watchtower. I loath the control, I despise the narrow mindedness of its adherants.
I hate what it does to teenagers.
As if teenagers don't have enough angst as it is without some bunch of old farts in Brooklyn controling their lives via their dumbed down ignorant parents.Without going into detail i found one of my kids had visited a coule of websites that really disturbed me. You read between the lines...and its not porn either. This led to an emergancy call to my kid about the site and what it was about. As much as i love freedom of information, i wish google and wiki would remove said stuff...
I got a kick in the guts wake up call. I kinda thought my kids would travel through the teen years happy and bubbly. I found out that thats not the reality and even mine have problems...duh on me.
This weekend we had a big talk about life and its dificulties. Talked about; double lives, boys, grief, problem solving, making decisions, leaving home, judging, friends, drugs, depression, suicide, comunication, feelings, the future, living in the now versus living for the paradise, baptism, my own life, loss of faith, God...to name the topics i can remember.
Just how does a kid get through life when they cant talk to their JW mother because they are just so blinded by the WT that they are incapable of really helping, when the only confidant is another teenager with their own fucked up life?
It's no easy task drawing out the concerns of a teenager thats for sure, and harder when they start to cry.
I love my kids so much, i just want to rescue them from this damn con job religion so they can actually begin to live a proper life free of all the judgementalism and narrow minded warp.
I, for one, can fully understand why some want to actively destroy the WT.
I know, this maybe hasnt made a lot of sense...I just spent two days trying to reach the heart and offer understanding to a sad little person. But, at least they know how much i care and that i will never judge them or call them stupid, idiot or rebelious, or tell them that the solution to whatever is pray harder and have a bible study...
And now i am sad.
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I know i reached the heart and got some opening up.
its too easy for kids to just say ''i dunno, not much, nuffin' '' etc when you ask them questions, so getting to the bottom of stuff is rewarding...
but you have to be prepared to hear stuff you dont like.
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I need some advice and help.
There is going to be a 'shit fight at the it's not OK correl' soon, i know it.
Many are aware of my efforts to rescue my kids from the evilness that is the Wt. I am reaching my daughter and hearing things that are disturbing to me. Today i found out that she has doubts about the JWs (partly due to me) and says its because she has found out they lie and some things dont add up. She no longer wants to go to meetings and witnessing but is scared of hurting her mother. (who she lives with) She is torn with feelings of guilt and being a bad person for wanting to be a 'worldy'.
She wants to be a 'normal' girl and not a JW girl. This as i am sure many of you know would cause severe stress and depression in anyone, let alone a kid.
Its tough as i only see her every two weeks, but i have got her consent to talk about her doubts and many other issues next time i see her. She was under the impression that if she stopped meetings her mother would have to shun her, thankfully i sorted that misconception out today. (she is not baptised). Her mother will be one of the 'our house our rules' type.
I am feeling strongly that the only way she can do this may be to live with me. This will not need to disrupt her schooling nor move her away from friends. BUT it will start WW3. There will be NO NEGOTIATION fron the ex, that is not her style. the only way i can see to do this is to get my legal ducks in order, notify the local police and not take her home on the sunday afternoon. I know that within the hour of being late, she will call the police. She is of legal age to choose her custodial parent, but the ex will not let this be an easy thing. If my daughter is not able to face her mother, i will do it.
Perhaps i need to take her to a counselor for help and legal/professional backup?
How do i navigate the world of helping her see through the fog of pain about something that should be simple? ie; just to be free to be a normal person.
It tears me up to learn the devastion that so called religions like the JWs can wreak on young people who because of age and inexperiance can see no way out of the inner turmoil.
Have you been through this? Have you had to take custody of your kid? If you are a teen, how did you tell your JW parent?
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As many of you know, i don't see my teenage son much these days... friends more fun then dad, you know. But last time he was here we had a little chat about his life and decisions. See, he knows he should be looking deep at the JWs and doesnt want to. He said he won't listen. His JW girlfriend just changed he life irrovacably yesterday by getting baptised... anyway, i digress a little, in our chat he re promised to never shun me, my reply, in a 'fun' tone was to tell him if he does he can expect me on his doorstep to give him a slappin'. We shall see what the future holds but i see him dunked inside a year. He also promised to bring her around to meet me when it gets more serious...i have some stuff to say at that time you see...
Anyway, daughter is still much more inclined to listen. She mentioned on her visit that when they were little they used to play 'baptise, un-baptise' in the bath. I remarked how sadly that didnt work in real life. She is very well aware of just what baptism really means for teenagers. We had another great this weekend and i sugested she read crises of conscience (I leave a copy in her bedroom) She said she'll take it home to read... I had to strongly suggest she not! I said, darling, that would be like taking satan home as your date! You see, the JWs hate that book more than any other. So she said she'll read it here...
We got onto the internet and she remarked that her mum hates the internet. I explained that many JWs do. They are scared of it and they should be! She hears the talks at the conventions warning about social network sites. They are scared because they can't control it and the truth about the 'truth' bring posted on it, that they will even shut down pro JW sites because they are scared of witnesses talking to each other.
She was telling me about some interesting people at the public talk at the convention. A big bikey with 'two beards', a guy with long dreadlocks, lots of piercings and a cross tattooed on his face and a rockabilly girl complete with betty page hair and 50s dress. I asked her what she felt when she saw them...jealous! See she wants to be like them...well, not a hairy biker, but different to the 'normals'. I remarked that if they keep going, i'd give them six months and they'll be in beige cardigans like the rest of them. But, they might have been raised as jws and just go along sometimes to keep family happy. I told her i could never go back because they wouldnt have me unless i got a boring haircut and hid my titty tattoos, not to mention having to clean my brain out...she wants to be emo with crazy hair and lip piercings, she has a stretcher (a bullet shell) in one ear. How the hell she gets away with that i don't know! But she said if she came home with 'smake bite' (lip piercings) her step father would refuse to let her in the house. I remarked how sad that was, that can cause kids to run away from home and fortunatly for her, if she ever does'nt want to live under that roof she has a home with me. He is no doubt one of these 'my house my rules' fellows.
anyway, we have a magazine at home with an article on burlesque performers in Oz, one being in melbourne who was raised as a JW and left it obviously. Her mother helps with the costumes nowdays, so i presume she never got baptised...something not lost on daughter (has read it) as i reminded her, if you dont get baptised they can't be made to shun you. It did lead to talking about how they practice 'marking', something she thought was pretty bad after i explained that if she was seen to be rebelious, other parents might mark her and not let their kids hang with her.
I do believe she is biding her time now, waiting for the right time. She still does not want to do the JW thing and i am glad that she is not getting depressed about it now. She now has coping skills and me to lean on. We talked on not just going with the JW flow as I did. I encourage her to see now as the time in her life to sort this stuff out, but not to 'hurry', just quietly work it out. We talked about not getting 10 or 15 years down the road before acting on her teenage questions and desires. Her brother will do that, and i dont want that for her.
I just wanted to let those interested to know how things are with them. I am so proud of them both, even if he never listens. My girl is so brave and has had the guts to open up to me. When i told her this, her smile could have powered a city for a month.
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Thanks, promises
I'm ok about the boy, I just want his happiness, even if it is at my cost. His girl makes him happy as does his plans so thats all that matters. If his life turns to crap one day because of the JWs i will be there to help pick up the pieces.
And sizemick, I am sure she'll 'rebel' in her mothers eyes but in mine she's just wanting to be her authentic self. Just as well they can't stone her!
If you have kids locked inside the WT, dont ever give up.
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One day, i hope my threads might help other members sort through their own minefield of parenting JW teens...
I hope i do ok you know, i realize there is no certainty but i will always know i gave it my best shot. Sometimes i wish i had stayed with their mother so i could have seen them all the time, but i know inside that i was such a screw up way back when that i may not even be alive today for them if i had.
I will have to talk to the boy next time i see him about the so called 'unequal yoking' situation, as well as, frankly, some stuff he tells me about them together could now be used to disfellowship her if they are not really really careful. Cue an old chat we had about this situation...
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My daughter is 80 pages into COC.
It will probably take a few visits to get through it. I let her know that it speaks of things before her time, but that i was 'in' back then and remember some of the things written about.
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

Thankyou guys, and for the links!
Yes, it's all about getting THEM to draw the conclusions...
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Sometimes i feel like i am going to lose the 'battle' for my kids. It's hard when you only get to see them every second weekend and my boy even less now that he has his drivers licence...mates are more important than seeing dad you know.
Daughter is the deeper thinking one i think. Had a good little talk to her today about a flyer i got in my letterbox from the Christadelphians. Really good flyer actaully because although the layout and printing was obviously not watchtower style, the message was exactly the same as JW's; increasing disasters...unemployment...death...war...stable future...gods better world...bible...paradise... etc. You get the picture. I asked her who's message is this to which she made a guess at the witnesses. I asked how could this be? Are you not told that you are the only ones with this message? Led to a good little talk about adventists, millerites etc as well.
Son on the other hand, at the moment is just consumed by earning money, saving for a new car and chasing a JW girl. Acknowledges that he should be questioning the teachings before baptism but doesn't seem to think there is an issue really...has lots of peers and older ones he knows are JW but also go to metal concerts, party and get drunk...so it's given him a false sense of the dangers of being a witness. He feels it all just makes sense so he just goes with the flow it seems. He thinks he will not be made to shun his father...
I really fear and i told him so today, that he will upgrade this girl to girlfriend soon, want to marry her at 18 and have to be baptised before that...a line of thinking he agreed on. Already slowed down and started to be a little more good, because ''if i lose my licence i wont be able to work and be with her and provide for her''. So i see the subtle grip tightening on him. The little witness girl (or boy) love interest will be what has i think, no doubt suckered a good many into staying and not questioning the religion.
Had a good talk about how important it is to do his questioning now and not later when it may be too late. Wife, kids you know what i mean... Better to loose a girl friend now if you stopped being a witness that to lose a family later sort of talk. I asked what's important to him...is it doctrine? Does it matter what they have taught or changed? Is it history of the witnesses? It seems the only answer is that it makes sense to him.
so i guess my challenge is to find ways to show that it makes no sense. Somethings he can already see but wants to ignore...
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This might sound a little strange but i hope some of you might understand.
My 17 year old boy is hot and heavy with his JW girlfriend. He told me the other day that they had talked about getting married an two or three years, how they want to travel the world before having kids etc. I asked him where getting baptised fitted into this, as they will need to be baptised if they want a KH wedding. He hadn't thought of that but indicated that he would get baptised in time for that. I know at 17 he is far to young, and hasn't even figured himself out yet.
I really get pissed off with these fundamentalist religions that leave horny kids no other way to get it on than to get married.
He is really fixated on this girl as 'the one'. I know how he feels and no talking will make him see it otherwise. We had a talk about the 'truth' and i sugested that one of the reasons he doesn't ask me why i feel they are wrong is that if learns this too, he will may lose his girlfriend, which je though likely in that situation. I did say that he can't tell me i have it wrong if he hasnt looked into it. I dont mind if he thinks i am wrong after he looks into it, at least he will have looked.
My delema is that it got me second guessing my 'deprograming' activities. I want him to be happy. I wonder if he will be part of a new style JW that doesnt tow the line as regards to lifestyle and shunning.
Part of me is scared that if i pull the rug out from under him, and he does lose his girl, that he may go into self destruct mode as it were, perhaps you know what i mean?
What do i offer a kid if i strip away his whole belief system, friends and family? Am i just being selfishly motivated by getting him out so i don't get shunned? He has to make his choices and live his life... i just wish he was not going with a jW girl, and that it was not so serious, so young.
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I am so angry today
angry because i have to waste my time/use my time to fight this fucking retard of a religion
angry that i have to spend my time trying to influence them to think
angry that my good happy non christian life is not enough to keep them safe
angry that i still may not be doing enough
angry that i just dont know the right thing to do any more
Im going outside to play farmer, i gotta unwind...
Fucking god damn mind control horse shit religion
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Another weekend with the kids over...
i have concluded sadly that i may have reached the end of the line when it comes to reaching my son. Not that i will 'give up' but i have to realize that although he knows i have a lot to show him, that he should be researching the religion before he gets baptised, that he will probably go down that road regardless. Not that i blame him. He has his future mapped out in his head and is afraid of anything that will impact it. I told him that i loved him, that these things are his mistakes to make and that i hope i am still around if his world falls apart.
Ah the power of young love...
As for my younger daughter, she shared in our drawn out discussions too. She did read a couple of articles i wrote on baptism. I asked her to read them and tell me if there was anything i wrote that was not correct... she understands very well what i am trying to tell them.
A couple of interesting developments were being able to show her Russells Pyramid at his grave and take a google earth walk through the Rosemount cemetary to 'see' it.
I also showed her the contents of my file on JWs and where to find it on my PC. I took her to the JW official site so she could see where i was getting the latest magazines from, and she also pointed out the JWfacts link in my favorites bar!
during the afternoon i was able to read her a couple of bits from COC about bizzare beliefs from Rutherford.
She is a lot more open to questioning and i hope she will ask. That was one of my points from my chat... asking them why they dont ask me stuff when they know i have so much to share and they they should be questioning. I concluded the chat with letting them know that i wished i did not have to say things like i do, but that if i dont, i am an uncaring father, that it is my responsability to guide them on their journey's.
cheers to you all like to follow my journey with the kids.
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Good advice from you all. You all offer a balanced perspective and you help me level out too. I was begining to despair, and you have helped me chill out.
It is going to take time for him to have his 'ding' moment. A girl and love bombing from mates and even elders who help him party and drink sure is the stronger pull at his time of life.
What kid ever really paid attention to the warnings and counsel from their 'old man' anyway?
He will always have my love with no conditions attatched, unlike what he will experience from his mother and friends.
thankyou thankyou thankyou
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I know i haven't posted much about my kids here lately...
Well, my sone is hell bent on marrying his JW girlfriend by the time he is 19. He doesn't want to think about whether the JWs are true or not. He just sees his goal. girl=sex. (that is, sex without trouble from the elders that is). He is not an 'alter boy' and gets up to hijinks but keeps a closer control i think. Remember he did get busted with a former worldly girlfriend.
I right up front told him to have as much sex (safely) as he can...try before you buy. That its none of the elders business. My motivation? Maybe he/they, will realize that living a life at odds to the WT might turn out to be more appealing.
I raised his wedding. How does he feel knowing that his father will be 'forbidden' to attend? That he wont be 'allowed' to have his dad there? I put it to him plain that i fully expect to not be at the reception but i still want an invitation. I did say however that i DO expect to be at the KH to see my son get married. I will not raise a scene and i do not want to dampen his day. I hope it gives him food for thought.
I dont see if much these days, so when he does visit i don't hammer him.
As for daughter... Well, i do know (from her internet usage at my home) That she likes emo fashion and has been googling the contrecepive pill. I think it is time to have another (i had a BIG chat about sex a couple of months ago) chat.
I am inclined at this point to see if she wants to come live with me. It is obvious that she would like to live a life different to what the WT and her mother would allow. While i dont want her having sex at her age, it is clearly on her mind and i would like to provide her with a home where she is free to develop into who she chooses to be with a safety net. Goodness knows how she would be labelled as rebelious if she tried to be 'normal'.
Mother has her reigned in a lot tighter than our son was...she is paying for his indescretions last year i think.
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Thankyou Nugget
Spot on with the boy! I did say to him a little while ago that his mistakes are his to make... if he does not investigate hid religion now, he cannot claim he wasn't prompted to.
Daughter is the quiet one... and whats they they say? ya gotta watch the quiet ones!
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

Yesterday i got to ask my kids what they thought of the convention they just had. Response was 'really good'. I asked what was good? Daughter liked the drama but could not say why or what the lesson was... so i figure she liked it because it was more interesting than the regular talks. Son commented on the girls...nuff said.
I asked about the generation change and they had no idea of course what i was refering to. It really pisses me off how the CORP keeps them all so dumbed down.
Anyway, today i got an hour free with my son and took the chance to talk...
I started by telling him that i felt that i was running out of time with him as he gets older he will probably not visist so much and one day i'll be ringing him and saying how i haven't seen you for two months...i have so much i want to say, so much i want to pass on. That one of my biggest regrets was not being able to spend the time with him that i should have been allowed.
I asked what would happen if you told the elders you wanted to get baptised now? He said they would say good on you...I comented that he would then have to have a little study of some book, be able to answer a lot of questions and be regular in the door to door work...and hey presto, you'll get baptised. I explained how they would baptize him even if he really had no idea of what the religion is all about, past and present.
i asked him what did he think was the most importand decision he would ever make? marriage or baptism? He chose baptism. I asked how old he though you should be before getting married, he said much older than 18. I asked what do they mean in the publications when they say 'not to marry in the bloom of youth'? He said not to when you are young and silly. So i asked, why then will they baptize you, the most important thing you will ever do, while you are young and silly? You cannot just change your mind. We talked about the affects of disfellowshipping or changing his mind on family and future wife and in law families etc.
we talked about how easy it would be to get baptised for the wrong reasons, like to marry a girl who may be baptised and wants a white kingdom hall wedding...
I asked, How do you feel about your religion? Do you think it is the one true path to god? To which after a pause said he thought it was. I asked why he thought it was and he replied because it makes sense. I responded that if he went to the doors preaching and asked a seventh day adventist about their religion, they too would probably say 'it makes sense'. After all, who would admit to being in a religion that made no sense at all? (He did ask what is the seven d..what?)
So i asked if he knew anything about other religions and he knew nothing. I said, then, when you go door to door, what are you really doing? He responded that he would be trying to convert them and tell them armageddon was comming. So i said that means basically, you are saying to them ''you are wrong, we are right, join us or die''?!
How can you KNOW you are right and they are wrong if you know nothing about them? you have to investigate their religion, at least, know the basics of the belief system. How can you be sure you are right? Would you not have to research your own religion too? I said, they tell you to provre all things to yourself. What books will they tell you to research? He said, the ones they wrote. I asked why would you trust only one side of the story? Can you trust the history they wrote? What will the JWs chose if history disagrees with the bible? He said, the bible. I asked why and we discussed how revision in history works and that it could be possible for them to do the same. How do you know the history is right. that they have not left stuff out? He comented the only way is to research sources other than their own words.
we talked about the importance of using the internet and libraries to see the other side. What if you read something horrid, what then? Prove it true or false. If its true, can you live with it, was it an honest mistake? You must do that over and over again or how can you say you KNOW you are in the one true religion?
I said that it is really sad though, that you cant go to an elder or your mum and say you have been reading stuff and have lots of questions. They will shut you down, tell you that its all nasty lies, and to never look again. They should be telling you to do that research, that there is nothing to hide, but they wont. Why not? We reviewed an earlier talk about other religions control of the internet to hide stuff. I suggested that if he wants to look up stuff and ask questions, not to do it on his mums computer as she will make it real tough. Do it on mine...if you asked questions they will tell you that you can look at jw.org, but not 'this one or that one etc' ans again asked why would they do that?
He asked, so, i cant do that after i get baptised? I expalined about how the watchtower has gone as far as telling the JWs that they can not think things that the governing body has not told them. That to keep holding onto a though can lead to D/F.
I referenced an earlier talk where he had said he once asked his mum how they knew they had the truth, and her answer of 'read the proclaimers book'. I said, you are 16, youare old enough to drive, old enough to be working and paying taxes, in 18 months time you will be old enough to drink legally, to get married, you are old enough to know the truth, to ask your father why he thinks it is not 'the truth'. I remarked that he already knew that was my position, so why not ask me why?
I said, i would be happy for him to be a jW, but only if he really does the deep research and still feels its true. I said i can respect that, but not if its just because it ''seems right'' or to get married, or because all your mates are etc
It was a pretty big talk and i hope the foregoing is not too muddled! I'm sure i left a lot of stuff out. but i hope you get the gist of my efforts to make him think. I am scared that he will just go with the flow, as so many do...
I think the door is open for me to show him watchtower quotes and to discuss them. And to look at the real history of the society. I made a point of not telling him anything 'apostate'. All directed at making him think think think.
i plan to print out some watchtowers that i will show him come from the JW site talking about the thought control and asking what he thinks, second will be to take him back to russells day and beyond, using only names and events talked about by the WT and then using wiki and google to look at those people Barbour, storrs etc and events for the real facts. a slow but steady trawl thru history, warts n all, especially the warts!
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we spent the afternoon at the new property we will move to next week I made sure he knows that he always has a home with me if he needs it, we have plenty of room for him to build a shed if he wants to keep a car project there as well. He already has plans for the 2 acre paddock... rally bashing, motor bike...
he knows that i will have his back, no matter what his choices in life
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Thankyou all!
i like that comment on waiting till they break the silence before coming back in as method.
i do try to be a good life example, i know he knows how content i am!
there really is so much to share with him that sometimes it feels like i dont know where to start, so i really appreciate the input!
i will of course, keep you all updated.
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i agree about wiki...
i only want to steer him to stuff that can be substanciated, facts of history etc
rather than here-say and stories
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My kids come to visit each second weekend.
If they look at my files they could easy find my massive file on JW's (and i hope they have)
I have recently thought of leaving as a screensaver during the visits something like an old WT cover (say, the 1914 one) or a big ''JWFACTS.COM" accross it. Or perhaps some wt quote to get them thinking...or asking questions
in the hope of getting them to think more. Sort of like leaving something around on a coffee table...
but am afraid this may be too blatent...
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Update 14 nov 2010
Put jwfacts.com in the favorites bar that the kids use alongside facebook and some games they use...
After they had gone home i checked the browser history and found that one of them (daughter i suspect) opened the site once on saturday and once on sunday...
wonder what she thought or read!
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I have not posted stuff about my kids lately as i feel that one day, should they find this site, they may read about themselves... perhaps not good.
But, i have done so in the past so i will continue...
There has been a lot going on with my son with party behoviour and girls etc that has got him in hot water...anyone genuinely interested perhaps best PM me, as i dont want to post that sort of stuff about them now.
Anyway, the Nazis!
Daughter has been learning at school and telling me about the Nazis. In talking to her, i asked how was she learning this stuff... from history books. I reasoned with her that what may she have got about them has she only read Adolf's book and books by his supporters? She answered, only their side of the story. So i asked how is it you are learning the bad things then? who's books are they? She responded the people that did not like him, the ones that wrote about the crimes. I asked what if you had a certain sort of mind and only read his books? She answered then, you might believe him. Why is that i asked? Because he or his supporters would only write down the things they wanted you to know she replied.
so... do you think you can trust any written history of say, another country or religion? No, because they might only write down the good things or leave stuff out. So how will you find the stuff left out? The Internet. (loved that answer!) she added you would have to read the history as seen by those who dont like them.
I asked then, what she knew of the witnesses history. Very little (no surprise here) So added that in order to see the whole history you would have to look beyond their own writings then? Yes she replied. I said then, that might mean those who dont like them or who even used to be one then? Yes.
And what would you do if you read things that didnt sound right? You would have to research to find out for sure if it was true or not.
This is by no means a word for word transcript but i does give the gist of the conversation, that lead to talking about disfellowshipping, shunning, baptism, and a number of things i have forgotten including the need to investigate her own religion as well as those of others. Lots and lots of me asking questions to make her find answers. Perhaps the best thing is that i do have their permission to be talking about the witnesses with them, and they do know that i do not think they are the true religion. One good thing is that she knows that if she got baptised now, she cant just change her mind at 20 without some serious consequences.
On an end note, it really annoys me, but does not surprise me, how little the JW teens know about their own religion, and how subversive i feel trying to get them to a point where they will actualy question and LOOK.
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

Now that i have secured more time with my children and i have established my interest in the religious side of their lives i wonder what is best next.
What sort of material is best to use to get them thinking? I will not TELL them much at all. I want to get THEM THINKING.
What sort of real truths matter to teens in the JWs these days?
I know that they dont beleive everything, such as shunning and that worldly people are all bad. But i know that is not enough to stop them getting sucked in. My son is already doing the mikes... grooming him to 'reach out'. They are now very well aware of the reality of shunning.
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the boy is 16 and definatly earning money, social life and girlfriend are real important.
I have been frequently (but not too heavy) making reference to financial security by laying up real estate for future provision for family and retirement. As well as not allowing anybody inc JWs from telling him who he can and cannot see.
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Bit of a delema really...
some of you are aware of my efforts to help my children not become JWs. You know too that i have spoken with my boy about sex in a far more open way than his mother and stepfather have.
You are also no doubt aware that his worldly peers are as much a force against the JWs as i am, perhaps even more so. He has a girlfriend unknown to his mother, but very open about it to me.
Last post on my 'update of my deprogram my son' thread i posted how he had chosen to not visit in order to go to a party with his girlfiend.
This evening i telephoned just for a chat and he revealed stuff about that weekend...
Told mum it was 'just a gathering'
There were a number of boy/girl/alcohol fuelled fights among the 150+ teenagers
Late night so told mother would crash at 'mates'
slept in same bed as girlfriend but no 'funny stuff'
slept in late Sunday with her as they were both very hungover...
OK, I have huge respect and admiration for his honesty with me. He knows that i do not believe in virgin marriage. I am no stranger to sleeping with a woman and not having sex by choice, but i know the urge can be hard to stop! Once that train starts rolling down that track...
I feel that i must make sure he has protection on him. He is a teen in a world so far different to my strict JW upbringing, i practically didnt even kiss till i was engaged, and i know he can get into a lot more mischief than i ever dreamt off. He has an uncle who got his girlfriend pregnant at 17 and i do not want this for him.
I am happy that he is rebelling against his upbringing but am also scared of it at the same time
If his mother knew i gave him condoms or pursuaded him to get some she would probably kick my door down and slay me...NOT joking!
I do not want to be seen to be giving him the 'green light' but i do not want to witness the aftermath of lust either.
I feel he will go down that road and i must be a responsible father. No good telling a boy NOT to, thats the fastest way to make him DO. But i cannot use biblical morals either or i am a hipocrite.
advice?
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Nothing in life is free... not even freedom
It's the weekend for my kids to come down and it seems dear old dad just aint that important anymore...
Son who now has his licence has left school to work (i found out on facebook) and seems to be too busy, daughter has a party (with J dubs) she wants to go to saturday night. Of course the mother is delighted by this...As they are a two hour drive away it just stuffs up the whole weekend really. Not coming down till sunday, so it's going to be a very short 'weekend'.
I know that this will happen more as they get older but it doesn't make the pain any easier to deal with. I dont want to lay down the law and make her forgo the party but at the same time i wish i could. This is my 'cross to bear' for leaving their mother and the religion, my cross to bear for not fighting for them earlier. Now i have got the more time secured, it is like it's too little to late and i am going to lose them to teenage life and i fear, that god forsaken religion.
I feal like the wicked witch's plan is working: Cut their father out...
i dont want pity, it's of my making...it just sucks, thats all.
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thats what i like about this board...we reach out with pain
and there are always people to pick you up and say such wise things.
Thankyou so much, you have influenced how i will handle this sort of thing, and how i will father.
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as we were in traffic the other day, there was a dude ringing a bell and wearing a sanswich board urging all religions to unite...
anyway, after my daughter had a chuckle at this sight, i remarked how back in the 'old days' the witnesses would walk around the streets like that around the conventions...and proclaim that millions now living will never die... needless to say, i could not help but tell her those millions were now dead.
she was really amused and surprised i can tell you!
small seeds, small seeds...i plant everything i can think off
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

Thankyou all so much for the kind words and wisdom, much born of your own pain. Here is post 1 of replies...
locatus: I am sorry that yours did not have a happy ending. My dad lost us kids in 1972 and had no way to fight the watchtower. Thankyou for following my story and for the wishes... it means a lot.
Heaven: it sure takes practice to say no! I learnt it and i will definatly teach my kids to as well. I will tell them it is their right to say NO!
Only me: I will stick to it firmly. That last saturday taught me and gave me that conviction. Yes, i will not and have never attacked the mother, only said stuff when it was obvious that she was manipulating them and have always looked for good things to say about her.
Da Cheech: thankyou, i realize now that i may well have saved them through what i did, and if i do nothing that indeed i will be 'trash'.
Quandry: That is good advice, I have always endeavored not to villify the mother. Always make sure i praise her mothering abilities and only been critical of her behavior at times like this, never critical of her as a person. She will recieve a letter through my lawyer about cooperation and it will contain praise for her being willing to make this agreement, but also warning not to keep setting up alternative 'fun' for the kids to have to choose over. As for bridges, i wont burn any for the exact reason you mention. Unfortunatly, she has always made the changes and i have seldom been 'allowed' to... so this must change too!
Snoozy: You are right about the fun activities and the kids and i have started to come up with ideas. Talking with them is important. I said to them that i had so much to share and teach them about life but would be careful not to make each visit a lecture day or they might stop comming! very sound advice.
Awsnap: yep, she fights dirty! She fights like the watchtower society. Thankyou for following my story as well. Its nice to know that the wider comunity does care!
Gayle: thankyou, i think they can see how important they are that i am in this for them. You are right too about questions... I have re-conected with my dad after he lost me for 22 years and the questions do come up... why didnt you fight for us dad???? I know and understand his reasons but still, i lost my dad when i needed him the most.
Mindmelder: so true. My dad reminded this past week that i am not just fighting the ex, i am fighting the watchtower society who have taught the twisted deceit that is used so well. He told me that they have no interest in me, the kids, or the ex in all this, only the control and perpetuation of their business. We are only a means to their end.
Awildflower: I document everything! I i know that there can be no turning back from this stand. I have done it once i can do it again and will be able to handle it better too.
Madsweeny: I never thought about it that way before, you are right. She set him up with a 'borg' thing! And a few tears is nothing compared to him reliving MY life!
Judge Rutherfraud: I will show them no quarter. It worked. there is a new me in this fight!
Asphereisnotacircle: Thankyou, it does suck!
Cantleave: my lawyer has been invaluable. She came to law in her 40s and as she says it '' became a human before becoming a lawyer". Without her i would not have been able to take my stand.
Darkpalgeis: that sucks real bad. Thats the tactic mine used as well and for a while i belived her too. It makes me angry that this dirty trick campaign is not isolated but mainstream.
Minimimi: all is being documented and this cease and desist will be in a forthcoming letter from my lawyer. Thankyou for the suggestion.
Troubled mind: that is a real good idea to let him know what to expect. The more informed he is about the pressures the more he will be in a postion to counter it. Thankyou.
Flipper: I shudder at the possibilty of twins! Your experience also balances out expectations. I must also be prepared for at least one if not both remaining captive... I always beleived that a JW mother would be a shining light in the comunity about the right way to handle child custody and visits... DUH! Now that we have done the mediation thing, if the agreement fails in the next 6 months or so, we go to court where various agencies get involved to monitor the families involved and interview the kids. I will keep you posted
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Page 2 of replies...
Mindmelder: I think the hypocrasy is starting to shine through. I document it all. What an evil bunch of people who teach that its ok to do these things in 'spiritual warfare' to save kids from one parent or the other.
chicpea: you are right! it will help them learn about the real world thats for sure. and how to stand up for oneself to boot.
Upnorth: absolutly. the kids had no idea the agreement existed till i told them and had them read it themselves. There was no way she was going to let them!
Yknot: thanks heaps. i'm sure they will apreciated my new firmness in this!
Baba yaga: i didn't think of it as a teaching experience, but you are 100% right.
Onthewayout: as i see it, the chice option for my son is for him to spend time with his biddies or girlfriend etc... NOT JW stuff. And thats how i put it to him too.
Penny2: i was very proud of him being strong, it was agony for him but i let him know how proud i was of him.
nugget: I used to hate lawyers... but a good one can be a life saver! I love the kids so much and i am sure that they see this through the crap curtain!
Peaches: not sure i know what (((( )))) means on the internet, but i think its hugs. And if thats even close... Thankyou so much!
White dove: Thanks for following. yes i will post followups... i also have a thread called 'update on the deprograming of my son' that i top up when ever i have made some progress.
LittleSister: You are right, sometimes pressure is needed in the right way...i really do think their mums tactics will backfire.
BlackSheep: thanks mate! one day we might just get that beer!
tec: Its a fine line between bashing and telling the facts sometimes... i strive to never bash the mum. i have a diplomatic approach to confrontation these days, it usually gets the message over better than a good slap!
Scott77: document document document! I was recently told; lawyers don't win cases, facts do. good advice.
GL Tirebiter: that was one of the first times i had to stand up and 'be the parent'. It felt good and i think/hope the kids liked it too.
Michelle365: thanks for that link, i will visit it tonight. Links like this are invaluable in our world!
Scully: respect. i'm not sure thats in the JW vocabulary is it? They need more lessons in it like the stand you have taken. that rocks!
LifeIsTooShort: i think i did help the kids, saying no is hard but also one of the most important lessons people can learn. Thankyou for the support.
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

wow! thankyou all for the great ideas! i will be revisiting this thread often i can tell you! i am so appreciative of the comments from you all i just don't know what to say in thanks and acknowledement of you all!
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Well, some of you may know i have been battling the ex since late last year for better access to the children. After calling her bluff and actualy getting a lawyer, we had to go to mediation before it could progress to court. Appointment one was postphoned by her so she could get better prepared. The session was a total failure with her wanting me to see them less and drive 8 hours over 2 days for visits. (we are 2 hours apart) Appointment two was postphoned by her because our 13 yr old daughter was sunburnt! It was becoming clear she did not want to participate in the process. had another mediation yesterday and actually got friday night to sunday arvo and travel pretty much stays the same! I could have tried to force more issues but another year of my life would have got consumed by court as well as about 30 grand. by the end, there was a pretty good chance the judge would declare that the 17 year old was out of the picture and that he would not rule on a 14 year old girl, so i accepted the outcome. that means the kids miss 50% of all sunday meetings from now on!
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Thankyou all! when i got the result i was a bit dumbfounded... i had been all reved up for court! My non money hungry lawyer told me not to come in and go home. So i came home and celebrated by spending money on my hotrod project. and sundays will be sooooo good!
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I have been in a world of pain this weekend.
Some of you know the ongoing battle i have had with my ex wife, an uber dub hypocrite, over seeing my kids more. 3 weeks ago i managed to secure an agreement from her that provided my 13 yr old daughter Friday night to sunday afternoons and for my 16 yr old son to have friday night to sat afternoon with the option to extend it to sunday if he so desires. this is each second weekend. First due weekend visit she rearranged the days so that she was technically pre agreement start date.
I let it go on that basis but did express my disapointment and anger at their mother deliberatly messing with the new agreement. Second due weekend was this one. I need to get this out so if it interests you please read on... I pick them up friday night, all good. Saturday morning i start to suss out whether my son is going to go home in the afternoon or wants to extend his stay. He is a bit evasive and i need to find out what is going on. He finally tells me that he will go home because his mum has organized a lunch for him and his sister to be at on sunday! So i go inside and ask my daughter about this... she says, she too would like to go home with him in the afternoon. Now i am really frustrated and angry. My horrible ex wife has just gone and sabotaged the agreement again.
This is in blatent disregard for what she agreed to. A phone call to my lawyer and she tells me in no uncertain terms am not to allow this. If i do, it is likely that a judge will not rule in my favour if i go to court as i keep on allowing her to do this. Her advice was that i unfortunatly had to guilt my kids into staying.
It was time to fight fire with fire, i had to use the ex wifes weapon against her and i did not want to. but i did. And i felt horrid doing it.
Here is what i did: Sat them both down and read them the agreement. I told them that i needed them to help me, to make this work. If they did not stay, then every thing i had done in the last 5 months, the last 12 years in fighting their mother for better time with them was a total waste of time. I may as well tear up the agreement and throw it in the bin. I told them that if they did not stay, and if i took their mother to court, her lawyer would simply state that despite the agreement, the kids just did not really want the extra time. I told my daughter that sadly i was insisting that she stay. I would not be taking her home early. The agreement that SHE offered did not have any 'if, but or maybe' clause. It said she stayed, that was it. No option. I told my son that i could not make him stay. But that it was very important that on this occasion he chose to stay. I told them that their mother had no right to set up an alternative activity for him to have to choose between, and what was this lunch anyway?
He told me that is was 'some people from the congregation'. Pushing further i found it was an elder and his wife that they only knew at the hall. I asked what is so special about them that he would choose to go home a day early to have lunch with strangers rather than spend time with his dad? Guess what i found out? It is the bloody C/O visit! Although they had dinner on the thursday with the C/O i figured that this was somehow linked. I told them i know how the visit works, lots of boot licking and efforts to impress the C/O. It also meant of course that by setting up this lunch that the kids would be home for the sunday meeting of the C/O. I really laid the guilt on i am sorry to say.
What about me? why are you so afraid to act on what you want? Out came that he did not want to hurt his mums feelings. So i said, so it's easier to hurt good old easy going dad than mum is it? Yep, dad rolls over all the time doesn't he? I said that mr nice easy going dad is gone. I am upset, i am hurt and i am angry. I need you guys to support what i have done, if you dont you can forget ever staying over longer again, mum wins, thats it, game over. The agreement is trash. I said whats so bad about me? I dont get drunk or do drugs, i dont live in sin, i am married, i have a job... what is going on here is that your mum does not want you to be like me. She thinks that if she can keep you away you will turn out 'better' than dad. How come she did not try to keep your sister away? how come she offered her two nights but you only one? Their were a lot of tears in this by all 3 of us. My son has had real dificulties dealing with this crap from his mother and i saw the damage that day.
I tell you, it tore me up to see my son going into obsesive compulsion disorder mode in front of my eyes. The bitch ex wife set him up for this, as she has done for years. The method? Set him up with guilt to choose her over me, and then when i make efforts to increase the time with him, he gets stressed and bang! Its my fault! I hate her for what she has done to our son. Well, at the last minute he decided to stay. Now began another drama. could he just tell her? No. He is like me, hates confrontation so it took half an hour for the text messages to and fro to do it.
It was agonizing for him but it highlighted a very important lesson for him to learn... how to handle saying no to loved ones. If he does not learn this, he will follow my mistakes for i did everything not wanting to upset people. I am sorry if this seems disjointed, i just typed as i thought. I just needed to unload to people out there who may be interested and see how so called good jehovahs witnesses are prepared to damage children in their misguided quest to save them from the 'devil' other parent. we finally had a nice weekend. The first ever where they actually got to stay a full one. But i know the battle is not over
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

I am such a placid person. I will always turn the other cheek. I will always be the one to yeild. Yet tonight i am so angry. I seriously wish ill to my ex.
i curse her. When we parted, i wished her all the happiness that the future could bring for her. Now i want nothing more than to see her rot in hell so to speak.
I am sure that religion is the problem. I can simply not understand why she will not even under the cloud of family law court simply allow the children to spend every second weekend with me. 12 years i have been fighting her.
I can only reason that she sees them missing each second sunday meeting as the work of satan. I am sure she sees it as a case of protecting the children from 'spiritual endagerment'
i so want to destroy her faith in this crock of a religion now. I want her to feel awful about what she has done. My children have missed out on so much because of her, and i have too.
i so badly want to get my kids out. I want her to lose them as a consequence of trying to keep them. I am so angry right now. How can she sleep at night. I wish she could not sleep at night.
my mediation session went very bad today. Just when i thought she could take no more time away from me and the kids, she just tried. I feel like going on television, the news paper, something real dramatic to call attention to her evilness that i am sure is backed up by her elders.
I hope i have calmed down by tomorrow.
I always thought 'true christians' were the model of how a family breakdown would be handled. I obviously lived under a mushroom.
i appologise for my rant. It is so unlike me to wish ill to another. i cant help it tonight. I feel so totally powerless. i feel like crying.
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cyberjesus; thankyou
hopscotch; as much as i feel like some public exspose' of her, i fear in the end it would backfire and be motivated by my anger! She has already become the master at manipulation of professsionals. But i could be pursuaded to take part in a doco on them.
iknowall; my kids get no say, when we broke up she promised me that i would always have the best acsess. I grew up the same... i was allowed to hate my dad. we got moved 600km away from him. I lost 22 years of my dad. and i have more to do with him than mum now, although i love mum very much, i think she was doing what she thought best. BUT that does not excuse it either really. My ex no doubt feels she is protecting them from 'spititual endangerment' or something. Yes it is out of control and i am having to fight for scraps, but i will not back down this time.
Penny2; yeah, i hope so. i can see the tables turning, but sometimes kids just get sucked right in. i will always be there for them. i dont want mine to be of that number. i am slowly working on them.
Blacksheep: not sure i understand! thats the last thing i want... maybe you are suggesting some sort of reverses phsycology? They then leave and she has to shun them?
hortenzie: 12 years... when we broke up she promised me the world regarding acsess and as a 'decent christian woman' i beleived her. at the start the kids were very little. have been through mediation back in 2001 that was a disaster. She made some very serious legal threats and i was weak and truly scared of what she would do and backed down. each time i tried to get better acsess as the years went by she would throw just enough bone to control the situation. She has fabricated phsycological issues in my son that she has used to also control the acsess. But now, she has tried to make the acsess even less and the tables are turned. this time i have nothing to lose, i have the money and lawyers and am prepared to spend. here, we have to have mediation fail before it can go to court, and that is the process i am in now.
michelle365; sounds very similar, just mine wont actually say it because she knows that no judge in aust will allow religion to be a tool. thats why she fabricated the phsyco issues as a legal smokescreen. all the best... your situation sounds aweful.
cry; yes. i am a litle panicky. she will not agree that the kids must wait until 18 before baptism either, so i am on alert as they are 13 and 16.
nugget; cant agree more... they know i am fighting for them. i am sure it will backfire...well i hope so! after 22 years of hating my dad i found him to be a most wonderful man. i am so glad i found him again.
GLT; i do call them on my sons mobile, probably not enough so i will step it up i think! my daughter always seems to lose hers! i have thought of getting them a laptop but i know she would ban the internet so maybe i could bring that up if it goes to court. (which i think it will.)
for the record, the current access is every two weeks friday at 5pm to saturday 3 pm. she wants to retain that PLUS now make me drive all the way instead of 1/2 way each. That would mean: leave home at 3pm friday to pick them up at 5 and get home again at 7. get up at say 8 in the morning and be together for 5 hours till we get in the car at 1pm and drop them to the ex at 3 and get home at 5 again. That is actually more time in the car than in visiting! 8 hours driving in two days for about 7 hours of real 'quality' time.
this simply is not acceptable.
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Thanks Chris, i see what you mean... i dont think i'll ever lever her out! I just had to rant or let my head implode! I cannot fathom the workings of her mind. It seems the common thread though, they are mostly incapable of rational thought and empathy.
i am focusing much more on subtle festerings...the time has come however for me talk about the shunning they will be expected to do if they get baptised. The mother would not agree that they should wait till 18, so its going to be full on now she knows i am against the idea as it came up in mediation.
i focus on being a good dad thats for sure! and teaching them to think...
thanks for the support
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I have a 13 year old daughter and a 16 year old son that i get to see pretty much for one day a fortnight and am working at having them for at least two.
When the kids are down it is too easy to focus on my 16 year old son as he is into cars etc and often wants to help beuild my hotrod when they come down.
My daughter is so quite that i dont know what to do with her for fun. Left to her own devices she will very happily play computer games all day as when she is home with her mother she gets little free time what with chores and looking after two younger sibliings while mum works at night.
I find i have to prompt everything, if i say lets do this or that it's 'ok'. she will come and work on the cars, or make stuff in the shed, go to the beach or the park etc but i also want to focus on her 'girlness' a bit too! She is really hard to draw out as to what she likes or wants to do for herself.
My wife is willing and able to help, but can anyone suggest some good 'father daughter' activities? As they get older, my son may not visit as often (once he gets his drivers licence) so i may well have more one on one time for her and want to use it well. She was still pretty much a baby when i left her mother and she has only ever known me through fortnightly visits. i really want to be closer to her through the next few years if i can.
Guys, what do/did you do with your daughters at this age?
gals, what did you like to do with your dads?
38
the journey of my children in awakening
by Aussie Oz in
1. jw
2. experiences
at the request of some, i have gone through many of my posts of the last 3 years to collect all my methods i used to awaken my children to the truth about the truth.. from oldest to newest (i will do them in a few posts so its not an endless scroll thru).

had a bit of a chat today about the internet (which i know he likes to use at my place).

in his use of the net today i found one site he visited was one i had visited to get a pdf of a society publication.
Aussie Oz

Thanks guys! I dont think they tell their mum much at all.
I am finding it very intersting that all the things they do and know that is 'worldly' has come from friends and the internet and not from me!
I just remembered another gem from the chat on saturday, we got talking about living ones authentic life... my daughter said 'that means living as who you really are on the inside'.
It appears thay are both able to think for themselves which bodes well i think. I only hope that the mothers and the WT guilt trips have little effect.
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7 june 2010
My son chose to go home this saturday afternoon, thats ok, i fought for him to have a choice and i am glad to see him use it. Among the reasons were that he had mike duty at the meeting... i couldn't help myself and dropped a remark about looking down girls tops! He just went 'not with their dads next to them!'
Anyway, that gave my wife and i a whole extra day just with my daughter. On a drive into the country we had a discussion on choices, and in particular how important it was to make informed choices. She seemed to understand well the concept of needing information from many sources in order to do this.
We talked about things such as choices in career and marriage mate. Even at thirteen, i feel she is being groomed for the life of subserviant mother. She has switched from wanting to go to art school to being a child care worker (not that there is anything wrong with that!) I realize of course that at her age she will likely change her mind many times. But i want her to always know that she has choices! My wife is a classic example of a woman who is not in subjection to me, we used her example of independance both financial and emotional. Talked about how a couple does not need one to be the 'boss' or the 'head of the household', rather a couple are fully capable of making joint decisions, be together and still maintain thier own independance in so many ways.
I was able to use a sister of mine and myself as examples of people who grew up isolated from knowing anything about the world or life and thus didnt actually make a choice, rather did what we thought we were supposed to do. My sister actually got baptised so she could marry as she was taught that this was the only way a girl could leave home.
It was a lovely talk!
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Thankyou for the kind words,
We do have some good talks now. I am careful though to have some visits free from discussing stuff as i dont want them to feel that every time they come down it has to involve this sort of thing.
My daughter actually does not have the choice to go home if her older brother does. She stays for the full weekend, thats it. We did talk about how this set up will help her be better prepared for the time when he may choose not to visit at all some weekends.
It also was arranged this way to stop the ex wife from from limiting her time as she gets older, which has been a tactic of hers for many years.
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22 June 2010
well this was a different weekend. For the first time EVER my son decided not to have visitation. I was very sad and at the same time happy...kinda weird. He was doing exactly what i had been fighting his mother for.
At least it was to attend a worldly party that his worldly girlfriend was going to!
So, it gave me the whole weekend with my daughter and we had a ball. Spent most of the time in the shed playing making manniquin heads...
I stayed away from saying anything remotely anti JW etc.
But she found found my sketch pad with the drawing i just did of the 'watchtower whitewash' cartoon i recently posted here...opened it up, placed it on display against the wall and said nothing.
I wonder what was going through her brain!