Yes of course there is, she has a home here anytime, and has known this for a long time.
Its just she wants to live with her mum and siblings but is realistic enough to know that it may not work anymore.
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I too thinks she is very brave.
The hard part is mine... i am pretty much out of contact for two weeks till our next visitation. She said ''no news is good news''... if i dont get a phone call from her to assume iether the note was not found or she is ok and handling things.
oz...wringing his hands and mentaly pacing...
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@newchapter...I see as a toe in the water. She was a bit ambivalant about it being found and i think it may have been more of a test of herself more than anything. Indeed, next time she might be bloder and put a note where it will be found.
@flipper...i am not worried other than the manipulation. I did explain very clearly how that might go and be done, based on what i know i would do if i were her JW parent.
@Quandry... thanks for the concern. I am not driving anything here. It was she who felt secure enough a few months ago to tell me what she felt. yes i had to dig for it but no more than any parent trying to figure out why their child wants to die. She is deciding the pace of her actions, i am only in reaction mode to her, when she tells me how things are going or like this note situation, i only lay out her options and help her prepare to deal with the consequences of her actons. What she is in no doubt of, is my unconditional love and support no matter what she decides.
@extemely confused17...she is 15.
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exciting times...
Son moved out of his JW home this week amid uproar from mother because he has follwed my advice about moving out and starting a new job. Visited him tonight in his new digs and he said: "Don't know if i am going to stay in the truth"...!
My advice was if that is what he wants to do then perhaps now is the time to not go to the new local hall and do a fade...
Daughter read animal farm for school and commented: "I can see a few similarities to the JWs in that story"...
My response was well, wait till you read 1984 darling! so she took my copy home to read too...
I see 'fun' this next twelve months. But not for the wicked witch of the north who is very quickly alienating her children. From her i see evil.
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thanks all
one is thinking with the small brain, the other with the big brain...
but the outcome may well be the same!
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My son came to visit today, he and i are getting a lot closer since he left his JW home and thanks largely to his mother and step father alienating him big time. He needs one of his parents to help him out at times and he can't turn to his mother. Thats sad but its her loss, and his i guess.
Anyway, he recently got himself a girlfriend, a worldly girl at that. Obviously he cant take her home to mum, but he brings her to us. This weekend i had my daughter and her best (worldly) school friend and my son and his girl here, it was like a real family!
The best part was when he said...''I am ready to hear whats wrong with the JWs''.
He hasnt been to a meeting for 4 weeks now and has started to realize the JWs are brainwashed (his own words). He has known he 'should' look at the religion but in the past has said he didnt want to listen, so this is BIG.
He wanted to know what i could give him to read 'right now'. The challenge is that like most JW teens, he knows bugger all about the beliefs of the Watchtower, i mean, seriously so uninformed that it's like i have to teach him a doctrine in order to demonstrate why its wrong! There is so much i could show him and i will take it easy!
So today i pointed him to JWFacts while i had to go out.
He read the sections about 'hitler' and 'Christmas/birthdays'. His main comment "They (JWs) tried to get in with hitler"
His other big comment today was regarding 'new light', he said "they always go on about that, but it makes no sense...why didnt god give them the right information from the start"?
Anyway, just wanted to share...
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He is in his 18th year, he dropped the JW girlfriend because he was sick of her having to hide him. She got baptized and he not being dunked meant she was not prepared for him to be known as her 'boyfriend'.
He met a few worldly girls and this one that he really likes and it has opened his eyes to say the least.
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Now to make sure he has direction in life. Its one thing to help them out but another to help them not self destruct from the discovery of the lie and freedom from the WT rules. In all honestly i would rather them in the JWs than fucking themselves on drugs or stupid living if you know what i mean! They do show a bit of a propensity to party hard...he drinks hard and i know he has tried weed.
anyway, i am planning a father/son weekend away because he needs to come to grips with a lot of stuff to do with not only the lie, but his sense of loss over his mother and i divorcing, how to function in a normal world, the type of good decisions to make etc etc...
tonight i made him call his mother (she found out about the weed). She was hysterical, and it was the first time she had spoken to me in years and it was to ask me to deal with it. I did, nuff said! But perhaps the best thing was that he fessed up to his mother that he no longer wanted to be JW. She told him that she suspected so for a while and that all she wanted was for him to be happy and safe. A huge relief for him i can tell you.
I am excited and scared at the same time for my two kids.
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Yes, they know 'good' jws who are doing all the drugs etc, at least they tell me everything, i value the dialogue i have got going with the kids.
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ok, as many know i have a daughter (15) lives with mother and step father (arsehole)
she was told "remove your ear stretchers by thursday or be kicked out". She has refused to remove said ear decoration. Should she regard herself as kicked out and come live with me? Has her step tool made the dicision for her by this ultimation? Can I consider her kicked out and just tell her that has happened and take the load off her?
she does want to move here but is just so torn by it all.
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yes it is tme for a change. The house has become toxic to tenn trying to be accepted. Last year she was in a real dark place thanks to the JW rules and frankly i have had enough of seeing what i amount to abuse.
I understand Baltar, But it is a whole lot more than the ears really, they are just the fuse.
The ears and other things have been playing out in a JW household, not on my watch. Personally, i believe there a are lot more important things to teach teenagers than the way they choose to look. Perhaps post JW i am a lot more liberal, i am not in the conservative basket myself being tattooed and being rockabilly, so they are not an issue for me, tatts yes, ears no.
BUT, getting back to the question: Should she regard herself as kicked out and come live with me? Has her step tool made the dicision for her by this ultimation? Can I consider her kicked out and just tell her that has happened and take the load off her?
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she wants to stay with me, just finds it hard to verbalize it, she is now with me for her weekend visitation. will see how this plays out...
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To update all...
On friday after i picked her up she told me she wanted to live with me now. I have been preparing for this for a while really, and have been aware of the stuff scully mentioned: (thanks scully for putting it very neatly)
To answer your question though, prepare to have her move in with you. Clearly she does not want to abide by JW rules, and her mum and step-father want to shove those rules down her throat. Have a sit down with her prior to her moving in and make it abundantly clear that while you are far more liberal than her mum and step-father, you are concerned about her safety and, as jamiebowers said, will not tolerate drug or alcohol abuse, you expect her to be responsible for her overall well-being (eating disorders) and particularly so when she is sexually active (birth control) and she has to take school seriously. Set curfews for her, give her chores and an allowance, and once she's old enough to get a job, she should get one.
and yes, i see kicking out reserved for real rebellion with stuff such as drugs etc.
At her request i called her mother and told her the news then passed the phone to daughter to speak with her mum. It was a difficult call to make and left my daughter and her mother in tears. She will miss her little brother and sister very much and her mother asked to not be a stranger and can visit anytime. So thats a pretty good outcome. There are a few behind the scenes converataions that took place over the last month, thing both her mother and step father d=said that led to the move.
I look forward to being a full time dad and will do my best to keep steering her in life. Stay tuned...
thankyou all who commented on what is a challenging situation
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Had a phone call from my son today...
He rang his JW mother to give her some news and found out the school his little half siblings go to was having an end of year play. He was pretty excited apparently and asked if he could come along and this is how it went...
"NO, it is for family. For our family not for children who never speak or visit us."
his reply?
"Fuck you"
hang up.
So sad. This woman has no idea. When our daughter finds out she will be even less inclined to visit than ever. She is just getting strong enough to write her mother to explain why she has not been visiting the last couple of months. I can see right now the reception she will get and the hurt I will have to repair...again
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boy is 19, left home and decided to not follow the religion. At least he is not baptized alothough it looks like his mother is writing him off anyway.
on a happier note, he is about to celebrate xmas for the fisrt time ever (with non JW girlfriends family) and he was pretty excited to tell me they had a 'pagan tree'!
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So here we are, putting decorations on our first pagan tree and 15 yr old daughter doing her first 'xmas' says....
"so what IS xmas all about?.......
WTF! Her JW mother and step father get another EPIC FAIL.
They have taught the children NOTHING. It's a god damn miracle the kids learnt to dress themselves. Ok, a bit of an exaggeration but seriously, what self respecting JW parent teaches them nothing about their beliefs and yet expects them to blindly follow? oh...thats how it works isn't it...
Oz scratching head in wonderment...